The first step of a journey

As of late, I have been reflecting on Religion and how it pertains to me and my family. As a mother, it is my duty to raise my children in my belief but how am I to do this when I am unsure of it myself. Here's what I have so far. I believe in one God, the father almighty, maker of Heaven and Earth. I believe in the angels and saints. I just fall short of believing that Jesus was the Messiah.

Why have I come to this point? I was raised Catholic. Because of this, I have a lot of questions about my faith. At church and CCD (I don't know what that stands for but it's Catechism classes), our faith is told to us, not taught to us. There is no discussion about who was this person or that person and why they are important. In class we were just told the story of Jonah or the story of Paul. Mostly, we were told stories about Jesus. But who the hell is this guy. I have an unsettling feeling that I am putting my faith in a man who was insane and thought God was talking to him. Well, folks, Charlie Manson thought the Beatles were talking to him and he, it turns out, is crazy!

Why do I believe in God? First, Look at the world around you. There are some amazing creations around you: The planet as a working, breathing organism, the majesty of plate tectonics, all facets of life, and (my favorite) the creation and growth of life. The universe is too big to be random. There is too much order. The grand design. Second, I am fascinated with Science and in Physics we learn that energy can not be created or destroyed. So, in that, it is logical to believe that our energy leaves our body in death as a spirit and is transferred to elsewhere. Finally, when i was a young girl, I had a rough childhood. I was taught to pray. One night, in my prayers, I had a vision of my guardian angel. My memory has since faded, but the awe that it inspired that day, is still with me. There is no doubt in my mind that there is a God, with Angels and saints.

So, what do I want to know? I want to know who Jesus was. I want to know if he was the Son of God or a Son of Man. I want to figure out which path to God is mine. I feel in my heart that I should be Jewish. From my limited understanding of this faith i think it is in line with what i know so far. But, I want to really know.

Where am I starting? This was a tough choice. I could just go to different churches, monasteries, and temples and ask around. But, that seems like I'm taking the word of someone else and giving up on fact. I want more than words or five individual accounts of five religions. So, here is my starting point: The Bible, The Complete Dead Sea Scrolls in English, The Universe in a Single Atom by the Dalai Lama and The illustrated Guide to World Religions. Over the next few days while I stair climb at the gym and while Jake takes his naps, I am going to be reading these works to find out more. I invite you to come on this journey with me. As i come to forks in my quest, to questions that I have, and to truths that are revealed, I invite you to talk with me about it. I do ask, if you have found your own path, with or without Jesus, with or without God, with or without Science, please don't get offensive or be offended.